Christians and Satanic Babies are Like *This* (me: crosses fingers to illustrate how close Christians and Satanic Babies are)
In doing homework on the facts behind Zeitgeist (or lack thereof), I came across a lot of Christians saying things like “ZOMG!!11!! Atheists are so stewpid, invisible demons have taken you over and teh antichrist is going 2 eat ur soul, like next week. 666!” Maybe that’s not an exact quote, but if I recall correctly, that’s basically the gist of it.
I’ve long wondered why Christians try so hard to keep evil at bay, or why they are so resistant to the adoption of the mark of the beast. If the world decays into evil, and if we hurry up and pass legislation to shoot our kids up with microchips, doesn’t that mean end times will get here faster? Won’t everyone who makes it through the Tribulation get to fly up to heaven that much sooner? The J-man and his party mobile are waiting for the saved, darnit!
I tell you, if I were Christian I would do two things tomorrow:
- Call my congressman and tell him that I want anti-Christian legislation passed yesterday! Got a pledge of allegiance? I want god ooooooooooout of it! Money with “In God We Trust”? No way! Trust some other guy!
- Start giving everyone free abortions. After all, the faster a baby dies, the sooner they get to heaven! This will make god really happy, but also probably really pissed off. Everybody wins!
In short, I would form a group called Christians for Satan and I would hold bake sales and provide free mark of the beast implants for all heathen kids under 12! After all, heralding the return of Christ and casting all the unbelievers into unending torment and anguish should be every Christian’s loving Christian duty.
Link of the day: Order of the Occult Hand
