God is Your Personal Buttler
There’s a story on MSNBC today about an autistic kid named Jacob Allen that became separated from his family and spent four days by himself in the wilderness. Fortunately, rescuers found him alive and in generally good condition.
As the story goes, Jacob became separated from his family while on a hike. Even though he is 18-years-old, he has the mental capacity of a three-year-old and does not speak. So…it’s not hard to imagine him having difficulty finding his family again. The weather in the Virginia wilderness was near freezing when he was first lost, but warmed up each day until he was finally found by rescuers. The next day, it started raining.
I mention the rain because the family sees the interim warming weather as proof that god was looking out for Jacob. Of course, you can imagine that this annoys me. After all:
- If god was looking out for Jacob, what’s the point in letting him get lost in the first place?
- Why warm the weather up gradually over several days? Why not just make the weather instantly hot or just make it so that the kid is protected from freezing to death?
- Why wouldn’t god have just made the family find the kid in a few minutes, rather than letting him spend 4 days starving and without water?
- Why not let the kid yell out for the first time in his life so that the family could find him?
Most importantly, why the heck—if God was looking out for Jacob—would he let him be born to the worst parents in the history of the world? It’s not like an 18-year-old autistic kid fits in your pocket or anything. He’s big. He wears bright clothing. He probably grunts and makes some noises. You would think that if he’s really that disabled that they would—you know—actually keep an eye on him.
If anything, I think that this story shows that god hates this kid. First, he gives him autism. Then, he lets him be born to terrible parents. Then, he makes him suffer in the forest for four days without food, water, and adequate shelter.
Actually, on second thought: that is so freaking benevolent, that I can barely imagine something demonstrating god’s benevolence more. 10 dancing puppies riding on the backs of flying ponies above my head while my friends sing me Happy Birthday at the same time that Blanche from the Golden Girls gives me a back rub could not even compare with how well god looked out for this kid. Oh man, that would be so freaking sweet….
