There’s a story on MSNBC today about an autistic kid named Jacob Allen that became separated from his family and spent four days by himself in the wilderness. Fortunately, rescuers found him alive and in generally good condition.
As the story goes, Jacob became separated from his family while on a hike. Even though he is 18-years-old, he has the mental capacity of a three-year-old and does not speak. So…it’s not hard to imagine him having difficulty finding his family again. The weather in the Virginia wilderness was near freezing when he was first lost, but warmed up each day until he was finally found by rescuers. The next day, it started raining.
I mention the rain because the family sees the interim warming weather as proof that god was looking out for Jacob. Of course, you can imagine that this annoys me. After all:
If god was looking out for Jacob, what’s the point in letting him get lost in the first place?
Why warm the weather up gradually over several days? Why not just make the weather instantly hot or just make it so that the kid is protected from freezing to death?
Why wouldn’t god have just made the family find the kid in a few minutes, rather than letting him spend 4 days starving and without water?
Why not let the kid yell out for the first time in his life so that the family could find him?
Most importantly, why the heck—if God was looking out for Jacob—would he let him be born to the worst parents in the history of the world? It’s not like an 18-year-old autistic kid fits in your pocket or anything. He’s big. He wears bright clothing. He probably grunts and makes some noises. You would think that if he’s really that disabled that they would—you know—actually keep an eye on him.
If anything, I think that this story shows that god hates this kid. First, he gives him autism. Then, he lets him be born to terrible parents. Then, he makes him suffer in the forest for four days without food, water, and adequate shelter.
Actually, on second thought: that is so freaking benevolent, that I can barely imagine something demonstrating god’s benevolence more. 10 dancing puppies riding on the backs of flying ponies above my head while my friends sing me Happy Birthday at the same time that Blanche from the Golden Girls gives me a back rub could not even compare with how well god looked out for this kid. Oh man, that would be so freaking sweet….
I was trying to avoid it, but it’s gotten too crazy for me not to lend my worthless opinion to the situation.
As you may or may not have heard, there was an incident in Palmdale, CA in mid-September, in which several black-skinned high school students were arrested over an incident involving spilled cake. Here’s a list of what seem to be the undisputed facts:
Some amount of cake was dropped on the ground during a birthday party
A security guard ordered one of the students to pick the cake up.
A scuffle of some kind ensued, during which three students were placed into handcuffs and arrested by (white-skinned) security staff
Pleajhai Mervin, the female student at the center of the ordeal, was expelled from school
Mervin’s mother was later arrested for an alleged attack on various school staff members
According to most media reports, the claim has been made that Mervin suffered a broken arm/wrist, and that one of the other students arrested did as well. Moreover, the media reports claim that Mervin was “beaten” or “assaulted”, that the white-skinned security guard threw her down on a table, and while placing her in handcuffs made racist remarks, including calling her a nappy head. Her mother was later supposedly arrested basically for making a fuss.
Here’s a video of the arrest taking place. Note that this is the longest footage of the incident that I’ve seen. It’s possible that more footage is out there.
A police investigation into the case disputes the allegations of assault, and comes to the defense of the security guard. The report essentially states that the students assaulted the security guard, and that Mervin’s mother did in fact physically assault school staff (including pushing the principal, forearming a vice principal, and pushing another security guard). There are also reports that the doctor who treated Mervin’s wrist has stated that she did not break or fracture it.
It seems to me that when you compare the allegations and the police report, and after watching the video, that the allegations of assault and abuse are overinflated if not false. Then again, I wasn’t there and I don’t have any more facts than what have been reported on.
And that’s the reason I’m writing this. Very soon after the incident happened, black-skinned “civil rights” groups began to agitate against what they perceived as a(nother) grave injustice perpetrated by white-skinned security guards against defenseless and innocent teens. They did this based solely on the word of individuals in agreement with Mervin. A small rally was held at a civic building to demand justice.
Once Al Sharpton got involved, all hell broke loose. In listening to talk-radio and more “independent” media sources, the white-skinned backlash was just as animated as the protests, if not moreso. The problem was that their outrage seemed to stem more from the fact that black-skinned people were getting “uppity” rather than because of the merits of the actual case.
In both cases, I’m greatly disappointed. It’s very disappointing that in this day and age–a time of technological and scientific progress unseen in the history of mankind–that dark skinned Americans still have to put up with as much racist crap as they do. On the other hand, I think it’s unfortunate that black-skinned “activists” saw fit to cause such a stink before all the facts of the incident had come out. In both cases, each community has basically caused the other to roll their collective eyes and utter a “not this sh*t again”. What ever happened to restraint and common decency? A little of it might go a long way in patching up the terrible state of race relations in this country.
By the way, sorry if the “black-skinned” and “white-skinned” terminology is pissing you off. I’m trying to be better at using this terminology, as I think it cuts through a lot of the crap that we associate with the terms “black” or “African-American” and “white”. When one says “black students”, a lot of people will already create an impression based on some phantom black student that they “know”, who probably wears his pants really baggy, turns his hat to the side, and enjoys long walks in the park and holding up liquor stores. Similarly, some people will hear “white security” guard and conjure up notions of all the racist cops and security guards who want nothing more than to put “coloreds” in their place. Are their black-skinned people who are criminals? Of course. Are there white-skinned security guards that abuse their power? Absolutely.
I feel that in training myself to use terms like “black-skinned” or “white-skinned”, I can improve my own ability to consider people of different skin color as being only that: people who happen to be wrapped in the same shell as myself with slightly lighter or darker pigmentation. It annoys me to no end that humans make up so many stupid ways to divide themselves from one another. Black-skinned Americans don’t dial in for a conference call each morning to learn what new things their culture is going to turn out for the day, and similarly, white-skinned Americans don’t get memos about how to better oppress minorities. People are people, and it sucks that we’re so good at making stuff up about imaginary groups that don’t exist.
One final thing before I go: in looking around for opinions on this, I was surprised to find such a large number of blogs written about this incident. Like me, they don’t actually know anything about what really happened, but man, are people jumping to conclusions all over the place. In any event, if you’re interested in reading up on some of the more interesting (to me) voices that I came across, checkouttheseblogs.
I read a bumper sticker today that said something to the effect that Conservatives are hypocrites because they are pro-life, pro-death penalty, and pro-war. Personally, I think this bumper needs to rethink things a little. The gist of this Conservative way of thinking is that there is a very stark line between good and evil: to be anti-abortion and yet support killing for executions and war is about protecting the innocent and punishing the guilty. I may not agree with the individual stance on the three issues, but I see no hypocrisy in the position. It’s for the protection of the innocent that executions and war are supposedly carried out, and this seems rational to me.
In theory, I’m in favor of abortions, but even so, I’m more or less onboard for the above type of thinking. I’m not so naive to think that pacifism and diplomacy can carry the day. Human kind is not that trustworthy. Consequently, I realize that there are things worth fighting for, things worth dieing for, and things worth killing for.
I don’t think that I’ve written on abortion yet on this site, although I really feel like I need to. Let me boil down my opinion quickly, and I’ll come back to a larger discussion later. First off, I obviously don’t hold any kind of notions of supernatural influence over pregnancy. So, the fertilization of an egg by sperm does not make life some special act. It’s a damn cool biological process, but I don’t think it provides the “entity” with any inherent specialness. To terminate a new pregnancy–to me–is no different than terminating the functions of any other cell in a body.
That said, I feel strongly that there needs to be an emphasis placed heavily on the protection of human life and pleasure at all stages of existence. So, while I don’t think that a new human embryo is Jesus’s homeboy, it should receive at least special considerations because of what it will one day become. I loathe the idea that abortion should be available without society thinking about the loss of life in at least some way. I don’t mean for us to be guilty necessarily, but there’s a tradeoff for the benefit of one life (the mother) over that of another (the fetus). That should at least mean something.
I guess I feel kind of the reverse of the bumper sticker: i find it at lease somewhat hypocritical to be pro-abortion but anti-war and anti-execution. I’d rather kill adults than potential children, especially considering that adults have volition (to some extent).
In any event, I have no problem with early-term abortion. I start to get uneasy when we’re discussing second- and third trimester ones though. Granted, I leave room for some exceptions (and my exceptions are probably much more liberal than most), but I feel kind of like the mother had her chance to make up her mind, and now you’re pushing things a bit. This is hard for me to say, because I hate the idea of unwanted children having to struggle through a crappy life because of bad choice by the mother. But, if society is to feel good about itself in any meaningful way, you have to at some point choose life over the alternative.
Anyways, I’ll get off my serious guy soapbox for now. Maybe next time I’ll talk about post-birth abortions. I might be willing to budge on a few of those.
When it comes to driving, I like to think of myself as a modern-day Robin Hood. But, instead of robbing from the rich to give to the poor, I like to frighten and/or piss off bad and dangerous drivers. And instead of swords and arrows, I do things like run people into curbs or speed up so they can’t pass. So really, there’s very little difference between me and Robin Hood.
So, while I sit and rock the day away in my nursing home, I thought I’d relate some of my happier moments extracting justice from the juicy flesh of our transit system.
The other day, this guy in a dairy truck made a right turn in front of me. As in, he had a red, I had a green, and he made a right into my lane from where he was stopped. He kept going, so I kept going, planning on getting as close as I could to him without hitting him, so that he would be scared and wouldn’t do this to other people in the future. He finally realized what he had done and tried to kind of pull over and out of the way. He also gave me a sheepish wave. Poor guy. Because of this human act of waving, it wasn’t quite as funny when he drove his dairy truck into the curb (see figure 19a). It was still funny though. I stopped and let him go, just like Robin Hood would pat the bumbling rich guy on his rear and send him on his way after relieving him of his gold bag. That’s the kind of guy I am.
Figure 19a
Near the college I attended, there’s a place where people making a right are supposed to yield to cars who have been given the green arrow for a left. Even though they have a yield sign, the right-turners seldom yielded. To the right of their lane was a dirt/grass field (see figure 11f). If I had the green arrow and people wouldn’t slow down, I heroically avoided pressing my brakes until I was right on their asses, again trying to teach them a valuable lesson about playing nice on the roads. One time, someone freaked out and steared hard to the right and actually drove into the dirt field. I kind of felt bad about that one for a second, but I forced myself to think of the good that I had done: that person probably would never do that action again. I saved people from a future collision because of my selfless acts! It’s kind of like when Robin Hood would force a rich guy’s carriage into the river when he wouldn’t slow down. The rich guy would pop up from the water unharmed, and comically spit a fish out of his mouth.
Figure 11f
Finally, I LOVE to piss off dangerous drivers on the freeway, although I’m probably making things more dangerous by doing so. When I see them in my rear view mirror going all crazy and I know they’re going to try and pass me, I speed up or slow down to prevent them from doing so. I can practically hear them cursing me for making them late to their friend’s XBox 360 pizza and slumber party. I get a lot of joy out of ruining people’s days in this way.
Yeah, I’m pretty much a modern day hero. That, and a jerk.
I’ve been pretty busy since I got the Intertubes hooked up last week. Among other things, I was nominated for and won a Pulitzer on my critically acclaimed piece about Jesus Christ wiping his anus with his hand (although it’s also likely that he may have also used a pebble or dirt to help out). Before I continue, let me just say this: the Pulitzer parties are Out. Of. Control.
I was waiting for a Gas Company rep to come out and turn on my suicide gas today, and in between work tasks I got the idea to start looking for groups of people like me that I could possibly hang out with. I’m not ready to start dating yet, but I figured that I could at least see what kind of atheist/agnostic dating or social sites existed on the tubes. I learned two things from this hunt:
1. There are in fact dating/social sites out there devoted to humanists/secularists/non-religious peeps like myself.
2. Everyone on the sites, with some very rare exceptions, looks like this:
or this:
I swear to Vishnu, it was like scrolling through pages and pages of decaying corpses. Last time I checked, the web is FULL of hot young women doing terrible things to themselves and other hot young women, most of which I’m pretty sure are not in the Bible (I’ve never read II Kings though, so maybe it’s in there). Why aren’t they on these dating sites? Ohhhhhhh…that’s right: because they’re not horse-faced Asperger’s cases.
Before I let this post mercifully die, I wanted to share one of the more attractive members I found (click for full image):
Note her career. I wonder what degree I need to get that job.
I’ve been without Internet for a few weeks as a result of a sudden long-distance move I had to make (I think it was about 12 miles). Now that it’s back, I thought I’d start off with a hard-hitting article on toilet plungers and why one in particular has upset me.
The thing that sucks about moving–besides moving–is that you need to buy all sorts of junk all over again. Despite my Amish roots, I’m a big fan of technology and neato gadgets. I like brushed metal soap dispensers, dark wood furniture, and glass. If I’m going to buy some common household item, I want it to be so cool that Martha Stewart would offer herself to me on the spot because of it. And not in a Barefat Contessa kind of way, but in a Rachel Ray kind of way.
When buying anything, therefore, I try and buy whatever has the nicest features or the most interesting design. Now, as much as I hate to admit it, myself and people who might visit my apartment will–from time to time–have to make bears. And because bears and too much toilet paper don’t mix very well, it’s important for the modern man to have a toilet plunger nearby. Nothing is more embarrassing to a chick on roofies who is visiting me than to have to admit that she just plugged my toilet with an hour’s worth of Don Jose’s fine Mexican food.
As you can guess, Martha Stewart isn’t going to jump a man just because he has any ol’ plunger he can find. I dare say she would not!!! That, my friends, is why I purchased the most amazing toilet plunger ever. Actually, the plunger itself is boring. The part that is worthy of Ms. Stewart’s loving embrace is the amazing, space-age, NASA grade plunger base that closes over the plunger to hide it’s shameful self from the rest of the world. The thing is pretty cool.
The reason I’m mad is because this pinnacle of modern achievement has been ruined by some stupid sticker seemingly permanently attached that says “Hands-free holder” on the side of the base. It’s bad enough that my friends know that I poop, it’s even worse that Theo, Rudy, and Vanessa sometimes clog the toilet, but it’s far worse for them to see a tacky sticker on the side of my plunger! Why do companies do this? There is no reason to put a permanent sticker on a product. Give me removable stickers or give me death! Jerks.
I guess I’m not that disappointed. Someday I’ll peel it off and use a dangerous chemical to remove the residue. More importantly, however, was the fact that all of this was kind of a long buildup to me just wanting to say that I find it hilarious that Jesus Christ–if he actually existed–had to wipe his butt with his hand, and would then touch people with it later while performing miracles. I wonder if any sick people asked him NOT to perform miracles on them because they had just seen him squat behind the building next door. He was, after all, in human form. It’s true that he did fly around the earth that one time to make it spin backwards to save Lois Lane, but the son of god did still live in a time before toilet paper.
