Florida Isn’t Very Wangy
Yeah, I know: that headline doesn’t make any sense. Nor does it make much sense that I’ve included a photo of Charlize Theron in an article about a 21-year-old male’s butt. But, given that she’s easily one of the top 3 most beautiful women in the world, I don’t see how she can hurt my chances to become 4th-grade vice president (slogan: a vote for me is a vote against Mark Kirby, the fascist).
Wait, the headline does kind of make sense! I’ll get to that in a second. So there’s an article about a guy who mooned a car during a road rage incident. Because there was a kid in the car being mooned, said guy could possibly be charged with a felony sex crime, and could conceivably receive up to 15 years in jail and be required to permanently register as a sex offender. The article doesn’t say whether this is likely, just that it could happen.
Despite the nasty rumors that stupid Mark Kirby has been spreading about me, I’m not lawyer. But, the possibility of a penalty like that for showing a little hairy butt skin to a kid seems just a liiiiiiiitle bit harsh. Hell, it would still be harsh if he had shown his junk to the kid. If I had a soul, or a heart, I might weep a little for our poor country. I mean, seriously: why did we ever let Who’s the Boss go off the air? Wait, no: I meant, seriously: when did we get to be such bloody wusses and prudes? The parents could take their kid to see a double feature of Boogie Nights and Saw II, and no charges would be filed. But some douche displays his gluteus maximus muscles, and he risks ruining his life forever. Where’s the sense of proportion?
For being the wang of the US, Florida sure doesn’t act like the roudy college boy it should. (Well? Was all the build up worth the “wang” explanation? Gawd, do I need a cigarette; that was so good.)
I swear to Bob: after I leverage 4th-grade VP into high school prom king, I am soooo going to take over this dumb country and dictate some bloody common sense. I’m also going to punch people in the junk for wearing jester hats when they snowboard. So there.
