FIREBLIND.COM

As usual, that headline is a bit misleading, but since Kirk Cameron is in the video, and since he’s the bigger name, I’ll call him a retard. Ray Comfort is too. Oh, and nice ’stache.

While you watch this video, I’m going to go put on a pot of my famous downhome coffee and savor its deep, aromatic flavor that whispers of the subdued beauty of the Columbian cocaine forests.

Oh…hello. I didn’t see you there. Done with the movie already? Are you having nightmares about the banana?

There are buttloads of retorts to this moronic film. Here are two:

A quick, short video

and

A longer, though much funnier and more insightful video

Hopefully, you’re intelligent enough to be able to see the sheer stupidity of this video. If not, and if you’re too lazy to watch one of the above clips, pretend you’re not lazy and read this: the banana in the video is one of the worst possible examples they could have picked.

For starters, the banana most of us know and love/hate was not created by Jimbo (the nickname I think god would give himself), but rather is the product of thousands of years of cultivation by man.

Second, the famous modern banana (the “dessert” banana) cannot exist without the hand of man, as it produces no viable offspring on its own but instead requires careful shoot cultivation. Without man, the dessert banana dies, as it might do soon.

Third, wild bananas look nothing like the human-evolved dessert bananas (the ones Jimbo created), and instead are often strangely shaped and bad tasting.

So to repeat: Kirk Cameron is a damned idiot. Why pick the one plant known more than any other to be an evolved species shaped entirely by man? Oh, and Ray Comfort, you’re dumb too. Also, nice ’stache (again). I bet the boys at the club go crazy for the accent.

Wait, one more time: you both are the stupidest idiots in the world. The dessert banana, hand crafted by man and unable to reproduce is the perfect work of god? That’s like saying the Ford Focus is the BOB-DAMNED PINNACLE of BOB-DAMNED TWENTIETH-CENTURY ENGINEERING!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU MEAN IT HAS A STEERING WHEEL AND IT’LL BREAK DOWN EVERY 10,000 MILES???!??!?!? WHAT A MIRACLE!!!!! THAT IS THE BEST BOB-DAMNED THING I HAVE EVER HEARD! THAT IS EVEN BETTER THAN THE SPACE SHUTTLE, WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN OFFERED IN MULTIPLE COLORS INCLUDING FLAMING YELLOW!!!!!!!!!!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Calming down…deep breaths….)

………………………

The quote at the end of the video about the perfection of creation testifying to the talent of Jimbo is a lark. A real hoot. A reeeeeeaaaal slap on the ol’ back, eh pal? Like the longer clip above explains, how about poisonous plants like the potato or the onion, or even the acorn? That pineapple is also a real convenient treat. You only have to climb a 20-foot tall tree and hack at it until you get to the innards, which will give you diarrhea if you eat too much of it. “Thanks god for the squirts!”

How about the fact that every bloody animal in creation is trying to rip the innards out of something else living? I can only imagine how much the zebra heralds the beauty of the lion as it slowly has the life squeezed out of it. Nevermind that it’s leaving little Timmy zebra behind to fend for himself in the seedy world of the big city with its “TV” and its “voting rights for women” (take care of your sister Timmy!), those sharp claws are a damned fine invention!

Christianity and god seem awesome when you only pick out the good things, and seem downright perfect when you pick an engineered specimen. Why doesn’t Kirk Cameron make a video called “Down Syndrome: Every Parent’s Dream”? If he can pull that off and still tell me that it makes atheists look stupid, by golly, I’ll give up my wicked ways and go to mosque again.