FIREBLIND.COM

I listen to talk radio a lot. Not as much as the old guy with the big mustache down the street who swears NASA talks to him on his ham radio, but a fair amount of my drive-time is spent listening to tinny AM stations. One of the constant themes is global warming, and on the more conservative stations, how stupid the idea of global warming is.

Granted, the incredibly good-looking jury in my head is still out on whether climate change is caused as much by us (humankind) as we think it is, but I’m very open to the idea. After all, the research for GW is being conducted by some of the most brilliant minds to ever walk the earth using the best technology ever seen. At the very least, I can say that there is incredibly strong intellectual evidence to find a correlation between the stuff we do and climate change.

You would never know this, however, by listening to conservative talk radio. The way these guys talk, you would think GW research is being conducted by blind, semi-retarded anarchist high school students who would like nothing better than to bring down the “Amerikan” economy. (See what I did there? I spelled “America” with a “k”. Take that, Big Business!)

It’s as if Global Warming has driven over to your parent’s house in it’s 1969 Corvette with its sexy hairy chest, climbed in through the second-story window using the ivy on the front porch, and is now having its way with your smokin’ hot and fully-developed, though ignorant and gullible 16-year-old sister. Hey, at least he’s assistant manager at the KFC.

In any event, all i really wanted to say is this: if the scientists are wrong, so what? We’ll have reduced pollution, decreased the pressure on natural resources, and developed much more efficient and long-term energy sources. We’ll make more jobs in the industries that develop the new technologies to replace the jobs lost in the old industries. Maybe I’ll even eventually get my stupid flying car.

On the other hand, if they’re right, and we don’t do this stuff, your sister’s not the only one who’s gonna get screwed. (Editor’s note: Zing!)