FIREBLIND.COM

There was a time, back in the long ago, when I had lots of time to write here. Alas, that was before I got 7 girlfriends, one from each continent. Yes, the one from Antarctica is a penguin, yes, she wears a bikini, and yes, this is all true. You can tell because it’s on the Internet.

So anyways, it’s been hard to find time to write because I’ve basically been having sexy pillow fights every day, all day. I decided to leave the girls at my parents’ house tonight so that I could catch up on reading Twilight (everyone in my imagination is soooo dreamy!) and write one post.

I forget which corner of the tubes I was on, but I found a long article with big words asking whether Jesus would be for or against a national health care plan. Once you got through all the absolute and utter lunacy in the comments, you could sorta make out two rational arguments: yes, because he wants everyone to be happy and healthy. No, because he would rather humans pull themselves up and solve their own problems, thus experiencing true happiness.

My gut is that, based on Mathew, he would probably appreciate it if we helped each other out. Whether you have extra money to buy the latest Dale Earnhardt commemorative plate is less important than your neighbor’s kid suffering from some easily treatable, though painful illness.

With the pleasantries out of the way, let’s get to the meat of the problem: your deity pretty much sucks if you need health insurance in the first place, don’t you think? The fact that you’re poor, perhaps meek, definitely unemployed, and have a kid with leukemia doesn’t seem to mean much to the big guy upstairs. You could pray, or you could appeal to the government for assistance. Working two minimum wage jobs with no health insurance because you’re a single mom, and now you’ve accidentally broken your foot and need to figure out rent because you had to pay cash at the doctor’s? Good luck with prayer. Better grab some blankets; you’re probably living in your car soon.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, health insurance is far more vital to your health than your god is. With health insurance, you can go to the doctor’s office, get a pill or a cast, and generally watch your health improve. If god is your health insurance, your kid will probably die.

I guess what I’m doubly trying to say is that Jesus obviously doesn’t want you to have health insurance, because he obviously still needs minions for his army of undead soldiers to assist him when he rises from the grave at the rapture. First they’ll take the Americas, then Europe, then Africa, then Asia, then Finland, and then the world.

In summation, if you’re on the pro- side of an undead army attacking you while you sleep, you should definitely be against your neighbors getting affordable health care.