Comments on: God’s Kind of Like Dexter on Shotime, Only Without the Hot Girlfriend

By: ania

ania — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 22:05:59 +0000

“One day, my baby brother and I are playing Mario Kart on our Wii and Saul and his Israelite army roll into town.” I think you should make it your personal duty to bring back the word “roll” as a verb meaning to come or go. I havent heard it used this way since the late 90s.

By: Dave

Dave — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 02:21:43 +0000

Ohhhhhh!!! Now I get it. You weren’t punching Jesus’s testicles: you were punching god’s testicles! Well done, Sir. Well done.

I believe when we die we’re transported to a Kafka novel. Everyone’s first instinct is to go back and tell everyone what happens when you die, but when they try, they’re informed by a minor official that doing so is simply out of the question, and furthermore, that they hadn’t filled out the appropriate form to inhabit that area of the afterlife. When you ask for the form, the official replies that, of course, he’s not the official in charge of forms, and that in order to set up a meeting with the official in charge of forms, you first have to get a permit from the office of the Secretary of Interdepartmental Relations. You ask where his office is, and the official rolls his eyes, saying that no one is admitted to the office of the Secretary of Interdepartmental Relations; that you must wait to be admitted to the waiting room, but that the line is very, very long…

By: jake

jake — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 23:56:38 +0000

‘Testicle’ is a modifier for Jesus, as in, if I was a Jew living in OT times, Jesus hadn’t been “born” yet when I died and got to Heaven. Ergo, he’s still in god’s testicles, so if I punch god in the jewels, I’m punching future Jesus, or “testicle Jesus.” I know, it’s offensive and a looong stretch, but that doesn’t usually stop me.

Regarding the “directive” thing: I’ve long suspected that mainstream Judaism is more or less an atheistic religion, but one that continues to go through the motions because of a sense of tradition and community. If they truly believed that the Torah and supporting books were the law, they should be stoning adulterers and killing those that don’t obey the sabbath. And, they should probably be warring with the Philistines. Instead, modern Israel adheres to a fairly Western ideal of justice and ignores many of the old tenants. There are still a lot of aggressively Orthodox Jews around though that believe the old ways still apply. This is a source of some good tension in Israel when it comes to settlements and the Palestinians. Insofar as they’re concerned, they should be taking over more land and driving out the evil-doers.

But, this just puts us back to square one: if they take over all the land and kill people, those people get to go to Heaven sooner than the Jews do. Although this isn’t my opinion, this belief system suggest that it pays to be an enemy of the Jews, because you get your reward first!

By: Dave

Dave — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 21:12:11 +0000

Your name doesn’t make sense. “Testicle” appears to be a modifier for “Jesus”, so you have a testicle type of Jesus, not a testicle owned or sported by Jesus. But, yes, Testicle Jesus would be a cool band name—even better if you pretend that that’s your name, and the band is named after you.

This whole god stuff only makes sense if one remembers that societies initially came up with these things to explain things over which they had no control, or which needed to be justified. That’s pretty powerful, by the way. If religion still worked that way and people still bought it, the US could invade whoever the hell we wanted and it’d all be happening because god decreed it. Oh wait…