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Apparently, I’m mad at something this weekend, as I just can’t stop picking on the poor old Bible. I need to go on a date. Maybe that’ll lighten me up a bit.

I was reading through Leviticus today and was reminded of one the bigger problems I have with the ancient religions: they’re so bloody tedious. This goes for the writing in the Qur’an as well as the Bible. Certainly, if god exists, he can write about whatever the heck he feels like. But, I just find it amazing that he spends so much time being so petty.

If I were god, for instance, I would be talking about how I do the things I do, what kind of cool stuff people can learn, what they can find on other planets, how to make anti-gravity cars, and so on. Instead, we get page after page of god talking about foreskins saving people’s lives, sideburns and beards, what not to eat, how to handle menstruating women, whether brides are virgins, bears mauling kids, women who lust after strong ejaculatory fluid, whether women should cover their heads in church, making the Jews put tassels on their cloaks, killing people who work through the sabbath, killing people who ejaculate on the floor, and so on.

Seriously: god created the universe. He makes the planets stay in their orbit. He keeps electrons spinning around their nuclei. He controls how every cell comes into existence. He can make people rise from the dead. He controls vast armies of invisible angels that wage war against vast armies of invisible demons. Why the heck would he care if you have tassels on your bloody cloak? The idea is preposterous!

On a related note, why would god write a hard currency amount into an everlasting document? In the example above about virginity, a husband is ordered to pay 100 shekels of silver if he falsely accuses his bride of not being a virgin. Since Jews don’t believe that Christ superseded the law (like Christians do), do they still have to pay 100 shekels of silver today for such false accusations? It’s cases like this where the human writers are most transparent: they had no idea that society might evolve, and that their petty laws and penalties wouldn’t be applicable to future generations.

I realize that the above arguments can’t be used in a real debate (see argument from personal incredulity), but even so, I like to think they’re still valid. If I’m wrong, it means everyone’s worshiping a crabby grandmother with nothing better to do than make up dumb rules to make sure everyone knows who’s boss.

Link of the day: Clearing up mis-information about how the apostles died